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Healing | Stephanie's July 2023

Happy August! July by far has felt like one of the longest months I’ve had in a while. In a good way! Usually I feel like there’s never enough time and a month flies by, but this month I felt like I was able to do so much, yet it’s only been one month. Let’s take a look on how it went -- Stephanie

Lifestyle, Lows, and Lessons

This entry is a little different, instead of separating them all into different categories -- I feel like the events in my lifestyle taught me a lot -- whether that’s positives, lows, and lessons. Whether that’s the summer break that taught me the need to pause and spend quality time together, or the professional endeavors that taught me the importance of speaking up, or all the personal relationships in my life where I learned more about people and myself. So this month, I’m going to bake all three categories into an entry instead of sectioning it off.

Started the month with a week off, feeling very thankful my company is giving us this ‘summer shutdown break’. I definitely got to do so much I usually wouldn’t on a regular week. I started the week with a weekend trip to Tahoe and Reno with family, we’ve been here multiple times -- but this time, as last minute as it was, just really hit. It was everything my family and I needed after last month’s fiasco. We gave ourselves the time away to enjoy each others’ presence, and live in the moment. I think everyone enjoyed it as much as I did, which makes all the last minute pricing and planning all the worth it.

After the getaway, thankful for the week off, I still had a couple days to myself. I spent it doing a mix of things, from seeing Past Lives and Joyride with Christina to enjoying doing errands and going to cafes on my own. Got to be intentional about cooking again and take my time at the grocery store vs quick fixes, finally got back to writing, and learning for fun. The week flew by and time is never enough, but I’m thankful for the time I had to focus on things that aren’t work related.

The rest of the month continued to be a mixture and variety of experiences whether that’s with myself or with others. Professionally, I am still on my ambiguous project and it is still ambiguous. The gift that keeps on giving . (me anxiety). Jokes aside! This project has its pros too, because it’s so ambiguous its been giving me a lot of exposure to different groups and visibility, which in return will help my career growth. Unexpectedly I didn’t expect to really get along with our data science team and it seems to be reciprocated (?). We had a nice coffee break and I convinced them all to try egg coffee together :’) While I am not about that besties/family mindset at work, having good relationships really does make all the difference, especially during times of stressful projects. I forgot if I mentioned it in my previous blog posts, but a few months ago I reached out to my Director and spoke up about how commuting to SJ takes a toll on my work productivity given its 1.45hrs one way.. So I’d prefer to only do it once a month unless there’s an event going on. Initially I felt bad but I decided to speak up because I didn’t want it to become a norm for me to always go since my counterpart was going a lot and staying over for the week. I am glad I listened to myself and spoke up, because we have an offsite coming up and I was able to secure budget vs my counterpart did not. It feels bad that she didn’t get it, but I am glad I spoke up for myself earlier on which I believe helped me in the later future (aka securing budget). A lesson for another month, but I also learned that just because someone didn’t get the same things I received, doesn’t mean I have to make it my problem and share it with them. I should be able to pick and choose who I share with. That was a lesson I had to learn with this budget as well. I think bc I’m so used to sharing with my family that it has spilled into my reg life, but I am learning to ~heal from my old ways.

Speaking of my healing girl era, this month I decided to be open to going on dates again. Selfishly it is more for myself to heal my avoidant style. Interestingly two people came in my life this month and it was good timing for me to learn how to communicate how I feel for once (instead of being avoidant and just turning things down lol) and even more insightful has been seeing how people respond to me speaking up. I ended up following through with the person who has been understanding and patient. Your childhood really does influence you and I’m self-aware of my flaws, I’m not sure if it’ll lead to anything with this person tbh, but I’ve been enjoying learning from one another, and also learning about myself, and learning to catch my avoidant behaviors and make strides to heal from them. Regardless if that’s in a romantic relationship or in my personal life. Looking forward to seeing how things go

Friendships wise, this month has been a lot! One of my good friends is moving so we’ve been scheduling hangouts weekly which has been nice bonding time. I’ll miss her when she moves but I know we’ll just catch up where we left off the next time we see each other. + that’s another reason for me to visit LA / SoCal more often :) aka perhaps more reunions with Jin too. Additionally, Ashley and I have been having weekly friday hangouts (we’ve always hung out at least once a week going on every day walks and such) but I feel like this month we’ve really started to spend quality time together and have real talks during our hangouts vs just existing lol. I’ve really been enjoying it! I think we’ve known each other for so long that we just ended up doing regular hangouts but it was refreshing this month to see the both of us really put in that extra step to get deeper in our convos when we hangout. This was a reminder to keep up with my close friends and update them on the deeper topics of my life because it's so easy for things to get busy and just skip. This also led to a much needed phone call catch up with Jin this month. Not related to any of this, but I also had a slight incident with a friend group this month, I won’t go into the details, but it really took me afloat when I thought we were all in mutual agreement. I’ve moved past that incident, but it really had me thinking about how hard to find real ones and I’m forever thankful for my friendships with Ashley and Jin :)

Wrapping up this entry with Family! I feel like I started this month strong with Family, we all got closer and spent quality time together during our weekend getaway -- this was also a getaway for once, I was not solely planning myself. Then the rest of the month I had been so occupied with keeping up with my friendships, especially the one that’s moving, romantic relationships, and work events on weekdays, I feel like I had not put in quality time to be present with family. It’s always an ongoing low for months where it feels like this. I did enjoy celebrating my dad for his birthday this month (and I hope it made him feel special too) but next month I will do better. During my weekly catch ups with Ashley this month or my dates, we often talked about family. My childhood wasn’t perfect, but I am extra thankful for my parents giving me a good childhood despite not having much. I still can’t imagine how my parents were able to take us someplace new every break, (traveling isn’t cheap!) despite being immigrants and having blue collar jobs. I want to give them a good later half of their lives. Here’s to a more self-aware August.

My pick of the month: the Movies!

I went from barely seeing movies in theaters to seeing FOUR movies (Past Lives, Joyride, Barbie, Oppenheimer) this month, wild 0: . We won’t pick favorites here but ifykyk. I’ve been enjoying each of their plots and also has me reflecting on life lol as deep as that sounds. All in all its been a good hangout and activity!

Have a wonderful month (enjoy the remainder of summer!). Until September,

-- Stephanie


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